Joke Categories


Blonde Jokes

Bad Day Blondie

How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Tracks

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

How To Kill A Blonde

How do you kill a dumb blonde?
Put a scratch and smell sticker at the bottem of a pool.

Blonde and Lightbulb

How many minutes does it take a blonde to screw in a lightbulb?
She doesn't know — she's used to screwing other things.

The Circle

One day a blonde cut a truck driver off on the road.

They both got out of their cars and the truck driver derw a circle in the road and told the blonde to stand inside it.

Then the truck driver went over to her car and broke all the windows. Then the blonde started to giggle.

So the truck driver started ripping up all the seats in her car. Then the blonde started laughing even more.

Confused, the truck driver blew up the blondes car with some dynamite. When he turned around he saw the blonde had fallen over with laughter. Then he finally asked, "What the hell is so god damn funny" and the blonde replyed, "I stepped out of the circle three times when you weren't looking."

The Repair Shop

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

You Have to Jump!

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

911

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven

A Blonde, the Beach, and Beer

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.

A Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

Adjustable Steering Wheel

Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
Because they like more head room.

Air Head on a Beer

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.

Atlantic Coast and a Blonde

What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast and a blonde?
The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs!!

Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

Baking Chocolate Chip Cookies

How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There's M&M shells all over the floor.

Bang! I'm Blonde!

Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!

Barbie and Britney

What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

Sex-Obsessed Blonde

Why do some blondes only think about sex?
Because they're dirty blondes.

Bigfoot and Blonde

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.

Bimbo Joke

How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex.
She kicks the car door open.

Blonde & Turtle

What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
They're both screwed on their back.

Blonde - Death in the Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

Blonde - Mating Call

What is a blonde's mating call?
''NEXT!''

Blonde and a Brunette on a Cliff

A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Blonde and Railroad

What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
They have both been laid all over America.

Blonde in the Morning

What does a blonde do when she wakes up?
Go home!

Blonde and Clock

Why did the blonde throw her clock out the window?
So she could see time fly!

Blonde and Doorknobs

What do blondes and doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn

Blonde and Drive-Thru

What do you ask a blonde in a drive-thru?
Is that for here or to go?

Blonde and License Plates

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.

Blonde and Prawn

What do blondes and shrimps have in common?
Their heads are full of shit, but the pink bits are nice.

Blonde and shower caps

A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts.
A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?"

"Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"

Beware the Blonde Terrorist

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe!

Blonde and Taxi

What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?
Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.

Blonde and the Bottle Cap

Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''

Blonde Arrow

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

Blonde at the Appliance Store

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Blonde Battallion

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Blonde Bellybutton

Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?
Her husband was a blonde too!

Blonde Bird

What do you call a blonde bird?
A swallow!

Blonde Car

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Turning off the car!

Blonde Driving

Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police?
Her headlights weren't working, so she was flashing people.

Blonde E-Mail

How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.